On body image and motherhood

Zoey is 7 weeks old today, wow time flies. Yesterday I went shopping with my best friend. She had her baby girl five days after I did, and we were eager to get out of the house even though it took us two hours to do so. We were two mommas in great need of pants that actually fit, balancing babies in slings while we took a range of sizes into the change rooms.

I had to remind my friend that it's ok to be big right now. Let me clarify...she looks like she had a baby 6 weeks ago, and she did. She also looks fantastic. But it's her first baby, and I can remember looking down at my body after my first and being both amazed and saddened by its new look. I didn't know what the female body is supposed to look like after a baby is born. All the celebs seem to go out and get tummy tucks and personal trainers and torture themselves thin by the time their baby is 6 weeks old. We really don't have a lot of resources to show us anything different, and many of our girlfriends, instead of helping us love ourselves, are complaining about how fat they are and how they need to lose weight even as they tell us not to worry about ours.

After my first two, I lost my extra baby weight gradually over several months. I think I was down to within 5 lbs of my prepregnancy weight at around one year postpartum. How did I do it? Breastfeeding my baby, eating healthy foods, and walking a few times a week. I didn't cut back on my food intake, and there were times when my babes were going through growth spurts that I was ravenous, so I ate more than usual. (I have to be honest here and say that I was lucky enough to grow up in a house where food wasn't an issue, and I have a healthy happy relationship with food.) The walking was more about getting out in the sun and fresh air and working out the creaks than focusing on a specific goal.

Even though I lost the weight, my body has never looked the same as it did when I was a maiden. I have a bit of a saggy stomach. My boobs sag, as does my bum. I'm a little softer and rounder than before. I have 'jiggly bits', to coin a term shared by my partner from his friend on Twitter:

"When did looking like a twig become sexy? Women should have jiggly bits. You hear me? JIGGLING IS SEXY, YOU FOOLS." ~ Jacquelynn Rasmenia Massoud

Women need to be more honest with each other about their motherly bodies. A few months ago I came across a great website devoted to loving our bodies as they are, called "The Shape of a Mother". On a more universal note, I love the website "AnyBody" and its challenge to limited representation of the female body in our society.

I guess the point of my post is: love yourself, share yourself, nourish yourself, take care of yourself. Oh, and get some clothes that fit. If you are still early on this journey to accepting your body, and you have to cut out the size tags to make yourself feel better, so be it. Or recognize size for what it is: a number. People can't see it, but they can see if you feel comfortable and confident in your clothes. For the record, I'm wearing new size 14 cords today.

Reflections on happiness

My friend Toni had the sweetest comment for me yesterday. She told me that I look so lovely pregnant, that I'm glowing and seem to have this determination that I'll be happy and healthy, and won't let my pregnancy slow me down. Since Toni's known me for about the same amount of time I've been pregnant, she doesn't know that I have actually felt like this for a long time! It got me thinking about what contributes to my happiness.

I see that a lot of my personal happiness has come about as the result of gratitude. In the past few years, I've escaped depression, ended a bad marriage, discovered my own worth, taken responsibility for my choices, become a better mother, found a loving partner and more. I have so many blessings in my life!

The other thing that contributes to my happiness is an absolute acceptance of myself. I appreciate that I am here to live and love and learn. I am here to be uniquely ME. I now live with integrity because I'm connected to my true self. I think that Toni is just seeing a woman who is happy and comfortable in her own skin, someone who is uncompromising. I want to continue to grow as that woman, to live the life that's mine, and to encourage others to do the same.

Are you happy in your day to day life? Do you seek change? If you do, you might want to try the following:

1) Do less. Seriously. Take ownership of your daily choices, and give yourself permission to slow down.
2) Sleep more. If you can't get up in the morning without an alarm clock (at least in the summer when the sunlight should help you wake), you might not be getting enough sleep.
3) Go for a walk.
4) Commune with God/dess, the Universe, Nature, the One. Ask your questions and be prepared to listen.
5) LOVE yourself. BE yourself.

There are lots of great resources on the internet. From time to time I share those that enrich my life, and I trust that you will find exactly what you need at exactly the right time. Your happiness will be a beacon to lead other people to the same. I pray to see the whole of humanity radiating JOY!

Happily yours,

This and that

The last couple of weeks have been good to me... first of all we took five days off and headed to Nova Scotia to visit family. There we laughed, talked into the wee hours, played games and just enjoyed each other. We returned home tired but renewed.

I joined a Huna study group last week. The amazing, positive energy in the air was palpable! I got to meet a very cool group of people who want to enrich their lives with positive thinking. I am ever the optimist, and sometimes I am told I am not "realistic" enough. What a blessing to share some space and time with like-minded people.

This past weekend there was a huge family fair/expo here in town. Lots of great companies and service providers were there but there was something missing: natural birth support. I was shocked! I've been taking it easy this year, after moving, but now I'd really like to network with doulas and natural birth enthusiasts here in town and see what can be done. Adding to the "to-do" list.

A bright, beautiful discovery I made at the fair was a local henna artist, Larissa Reinders, owner of Dragonfly Designs. In addition to traditional mehndi, Larissa does beautiful belly designs for expectant mothers, infusing them with love and energy that moms can carry over into their birth and postpartum time. She also facilitates "Mother Blessings", a great alternative to traditional baby showers where the focus is on honouring and encouraging the mother to be in an intimate, loving gathering. You can check out her work here.

This coming weekend I am doing a private birth workshop for my dear friends who are also expecting a little one. I am so excited as this is in preparation for a homebirth, so we can talk about all of the things that are important to this couple, instead of focusing on hospital procedures and protocols. Although we will be talking about what will happen in the event of a transfer, for the most part we can focus on how to keep the energy good and how mom wants to be supported so she can feel safe and secure. They are planning a waterbirth for this first baby, and although there is always some fear of the unknown, I hope I can help them to feel excited more than anything.

The buds have popped on the trees today and the sun is shining, adding to my already high energy level (I slept so well last night!). My biggest goal today is to get my house super clean, it always makes me feel really great. So I am off...wishing you lots of love and light today :)

On Creativity

Most of the time, for me, creating anything is a struggle. I work at something only to be frustrated that it doesn't match that inner glint of inspiration that got me going in the first place. I curse my brain, wondering how it could have given me something perfect and intact at some point in the past and not give me such a gift now.

This morning I happened to see a post on Facebook by my friend JD LeJeune. It is Elizabeth Gilbert delivering a presentation at the annual TED conference, also known as "TED Talks". She discusses creativity, that it is a gift that flows through us but is not necessarily of us, and reminds us all that if we love to create we should just keep on plugging and recognize the value in our efforts.

A great, moving talk. I hope you enjoy it!

Some of my favourite quotes

"I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." ~ Mohandas Ghandi

"A truth’s initial commotion is directly proportional to how deeply the lie was believed…When a well-packaged web of lies has been sold gradually to the masses over generations, the truth will seem utterly preposterous and its speaker, a raving lunatic.” ~ Dresden James

"The feminist agenda encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians." ~ Pat Robertson, 20th century televangelist

"My country is the world... and my religion is to do good." ~ Thomas Paine 1737-1809

"It is better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness." ~ K'ung Fu-tzu (Confucius) 551 - 479 B.C.E.


"I prayed for twenty years but received no answer until I prayed with my legs." ~ Frederick Douglass, escaped slave


"If you judge people, you have no time to love them." ~ Mother Teresa

"Truth is that which does not contaminate you, but empowers you." ~ Gary Zukav

What are some of your favourite quotes?

Loving your body...some inspiring links

My normal, non-pregnant weight is between 165 and 175 lbs, I'm 5'8", and I wear a *gasp* size 12 or 13. I don't know the number of times I've had girlfriends berate themselves over the number on the scale, for whom 120 or 140 or whatever is the magic number. I don't know how many times I've had people say to me, "You don't look that big!" These poor folks are honestly trying to compliment me, when instead all it does is reveal their misconceptions about weight and size. What to respond with in that moment? Somehow saying "thanks" would feel like I am buying into their notion of what a healthy, attractive body is. And I refuse.

I shudder to think how hard it must be for my sisters who are bigger than me, who have had to put up with comments and judgements for the way they look. I am disgusted by the constant bombardment of diet ads that suggest we all become cookie cutter versions of each other, that we stop feeding ourselves, that we can't show some flesh unless our bodies look a certain way (see these disgusting Kellogg's ads, and some wonderful responses to them!)

I certainly have days when I wished I was lighter, more buff, etc. Those days are becoming fewer now, though, as I come to appreciate myself more and as I firmly reject our culture's ideals of beauty and the ways in which the female worth is measured. Lately I've found some great women who refuse to conform, who refuse to shrink or to hide. I want to thank them for their courage, and to share some of their web offerings:

Laura Judd's statement: "I AM."

any-body.org

loveyourbody.org

Please leave your comments with your own inspiring links!!

Love,




PS Found this after posting the blog...this shows how misguided we are when we rely on BMI as an ideal for weight, after years of hearing it is a "healthy" guideline. Make sure you mouse over the upper right hand corner and click on "show info" to get the full effect: Lucysol's Illustrated BMI Categories. Using a standard BMI calculator, at 175 lbs my BMI is 25.8, making me "overweight".

Mushy Brain

Today the snow has melted and we again wore our spring jackets to the bus stop. I have yet to have breakfast and know it needs to come soon as my stomach is yelling at me. The baby in my belly dances and reminds me that I need to take good care of the both of us. My house is silent and I plead for just a few more minutes to let my brain get some words out, as I have been attempting to write a blog post for the past hour. Last week the words were flowing. Today my brain is numb. It spills over with birth stuff and baby stuff and responsible living and life, and none of that is coming together with enough words to help me convey a message.

And so I type. I fell into momentary despair yesterday morning to snow on the ground and memories of crazy dream in which I was trying to order meals at McDonalds. In the dream I was trying, trying, trying with all my might to communicate what I needed, what I wanted, and I was being answered with no service, waiting in line for hours, and indifferent and snickering staff. I got up and wrote to a friend about all the things that are bothering me in my life. My boyfriend got up and I talked and cried over our morning coffee. I got hugs and understanding. My friend emailed me back that all would be well. And indeed it was better. There was a great sense of relief after getting it all off my chest.

I remind myself to be gentle to me today. I feel a little raw around the edges. Time to get some breakfast and coffee. Time to rest. I am going to sit back and relax and watch the cars drive by the front window while listening to some Jack Johnson, then slowly get myself moving to get ready for work this afternoon.

Give yourself a hug for me,

Spring....where are you?

Three days ago the kids and I were washing off bikes and running around outside. A spring jacket was all you needed. There was hardly any snow to be found, and some of the grass was taking on a green hue.

Two days ago Emily and I walked to the grocery store together. She found buds on the rosebushes in front of the hotel. We had an Easter party, and I had six amazing kids playing together, eating together, and drawing chalk pictures on the driveway.

Yesterday we enjoyed a lazy day indoors while it snowed outside. Emily happily put her new bike accessories on her bike and then felt too cold to ride it. Zach is fighting another cold. But we had a big family dinner and a good day nonetheless. The snow had melted before bedtime.

This morning there is more snow!!!!! The ground is white. It's the kind of pretty looking snow that sticks to the trees and gets me excited....when it's in December. I am really ready for warmth and green. While I think I live in one of the best places in the world, really, six months of snow and cold is ENOUGH!!!

I think we'll bake cookies today while I dream of spring. If you have any warm weather to send me, I would love to have it. I'm hoping you've all had a nice little Easter weekend.

Praying for sun,